Portland is a good town for conventions so I’m hoping more people will hold conventions in Portland. The following are reasons why people should have conventions in Portland.

1. Portland has a new convention center that is always open for business but never has any business and this means there’s plenty of room.
2. There’s plenty of hotel space because nobody has conventions in Portland. If the tax for the hotels seems a little high, ignore it and put it on a fake business account.
3. Portland has a famous rose garden and if you visit the rose garden sometimes you can see the highly professional gardeners whip out their huge chainsways and delicately trim the roses.
4. Portland has a lot of rain water so if other parts of the country are having a drought, conventioneers in Portland will have lots of rain water……whoops…..I’ve just heard from some weathercasters that we’re in the middle of a drought. Not to worry, Portland has a lot of places that sell beer, especially micro-brewed beer.
5. Even though Portland has expensive cabs because of a cab cartel, just overtip the cabby and put everything on the old expense account.
6. New York bagels. Portland doesn’t have New York bagels so conventioneers won’t need to buy a lot of antacid or seltzer water unless, of course, they eat the wonderful, deformed delicious radioactive fish from the Willamette River.
7. Portland has its very own alternative tabloids and sometimes in between the bizarre advertisements, a conventioneer might even be able to find something worth reading. Although I doubt it.
8. For the latest news from around the world Portland has the Oregonian….on second thought see the above reason why conventioneers should come to Portland.
9. There are a lot of wineries around the Portland area and you can go from winery to winery tasting the various types of wines for free. UPDATE…Oregon is in a deep recession caused by too many poor people moving to Oregon and so the free wine tasting has been suspended until state officials can talk half of Berverly Hills, CA into moving to Portland. I have been informed that all millionaires moving to the Portland area will receive tax breaks for the first eight years.
10. Right near Portland there is the Hanford Nuclear Reservation and conventioneers can visit it and see the Indians that glow in the dark.

I could go on and on but I’ve just received a meany email from the Portland Tourist Bureau. They don’t want anybody but the bureau inviting people to Portland, and then only after a background security check.