Yes, I carry an umbrella…
…wanna make something of it?
Seriously. I don’t get it. It rains in Portland. A lot. Yet if you are to be a true Oregonian, you ought to learn how to slog through the stuff and/or clothe yourself in head-to-toe Gore-tex.
Carry an umbrella?
Rookie. Non-native. Wimp. The perjoratives fly, don’t they? You may not hear them - but you’ll see that raised eyebrow. The sneer when they think you’re not looking.
I’m sorry. I like being dry. I don’t always like wearing head-to-toe Gore-Tex - it’s no fun being a walking sauna in weather like this, for starters. And since I commute via mass transit or walking?
I carry an umbrella. Proudly. I have several, actually - ranging from a small fold-up one I can keep in my bag to that huge, honkin’ golf umbrella branded with a local law firm’s logo, no less.
Wanna make something of it?
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Yes.
Bring it ya damn Californian.
If your skin doesn’t scream in delight to feel the pouring rain stream down it, soaking your clothes and ruining anything you were carrying, then you don’t deserve the privilege of citizenship.
YOU ARE NOT A TRUE PORTLANDER!
Actually, while I personally disdain umbrellas, my only beef when it comes to others with umbrellas is that too many of them (1) use them when it’s barely even sprinkling and (2) don’t understand in the slightest little bit that they expand the amount of space they take up as people, and are constantly almost smacking other people in the heads and/or eyes with them.
If you’re going to carry an umbrella, at least remember that you’re walking on streets with other people, and aren’t the only person in the world.
That’s my real gripe.
My skin screams in delight at pouring rain on evenings and/or weekends only. And definitely not on a Monday morning, as I’m slogging to work.
Then? The screams are of a different nature…