Archive for February, 2006

Fat Tuesday

No, this is not a commentary on the various and sundry body types that one may discover in various states of undress in downtown Portland tonight. Certainly, although Portland consistently weighs in as one of the fittest cities in America (according to Men’s Fitness Magazine, anyway), it never seems to be the fit people that put on a show.

Instead, just wanted to make a quick note.

Disclaimer: The following does not constitute actual legal advice. Any reliance on the following may constitute criminal stupidity. I at no point am claiming to be an expert on the law. For all you know, Rusty is one step removed from floor-sweeper at the local Carl’s Junior. Anyone who may know any different is hereby invited to shut the hell up.

According to this citizen’s reading of the Oregon Revised Statutes, there is no law prohibiting the public display of female chestal regions. Per ORS 163.465, Public Indecency requires an act of sexual intercourse, deviate sexual intercourse (i.e. fellation or buggery), or the exposing of gentials with the intent of sexually arousing another person or yourself. Per Portland City Code, section 14A.40.030, exposure of genitalia is prohibited. Neither the state statute nor the city ordinance bother defining genitalia, but a search on Dictionary.com shows that, consistently, the word applies to sex organs (i.e. your “plumbing”).

So, while I’m home with my wife and kid, I suppose much hooliganism will take place under the watchful, but frustrated, eyes of local law enforcement. Just keep things respectable, kids. Because I’m sure they’ll make room for you in the jail if you don’t…

Watch Your Speed Limit on the Burnside Bridge

Back in Portland. Spent the week in Seattle, producing the Podcast Hotel. Eating the logger breakfast at the Doug Fir, home of the original Podcast Hotel last September. Couldn’t sleep. Happens, I think, when you feel like you’re in a circus. :-).

I asked the cab driver who picked me up ar Union Station if he’s noticed more traffic on the Burnside Bridge. No, he said, but they have photo radar and one cabbie got nailed going 45 mph. A walloping $335 ticket. Ouch.

I told him I’ll have to watch my speed on my bike.

Funny note. He said he once organized an event where the food was so bad that the 18-year-olds did not go back for seconds. lol. He never thought you could really make grey stew. Yuck.

VOTE NOW

Go register to vote, please.

Blazer haiku

I’m not normally a haiku-er – but surely Paul Allen and Co. have provided enough fodder to create a whole parade of appropriately snarky haikus.

I’ll start it off with this lame attempt:

Hand out, Paul Allen?
Couch cushions may be best bet
Scrounge for loose change, sir

Surely you can top it…

(Need inspiration? Check out today’s editorial cartoon in today’s O…)

Caprial and John’s Boo Boo

This evening I was watching Caprial and John’s Kitchen, a show I rather enjoy and they were doing a piece on food for picnics. They had some wonderful recipes.

Anyhow, at one point they kind of made a stink about how you absolutely have to bring wine with you on a picnic. Then there was a shot of them picnicking with some wine in Washington Park.

Now, I agree wine on a picnic is great but you can’t have alcohol in any of Portland’s parks without a picnic permit. The cheapest of which is $21.75 and that doesn’t include the application fee of $12.00.

Drinking in public is not for the poor.

Deficit Spending

Would someone like to enlighten me on why the Feds can cut taxes and go trillions of dollars into debt while we local governments have to fight and scrape and sacrifice the education of our children to keep the state budget balanced?

Comic Pages

The new comics page in the Oregonian disagrees with me. Tiny comics, and a new ad page. I could deal with the nationally-syndicated “kids page”, but ads? In my comics? For chrissakes, guys, is it really necessary to eke out every cent of ad revenue at the cost of reader happiness?

Poor Little Rich Boys

So, the Blazers need some money. Here’s a thought. Ask the players to pony up some of the cash.

Estimated Blazer salaries rounded down:

Blake = $1,000,000
Dixon = $2,500,000
Jack = $1,000,000
Khryapa = $1,000,000
Lenard = $3,500,000
Miles = $7,000,000
Outlaw = $900,000
Przybilla = $1,500,000
Randolph = $10,000,000
Ratliff = $11,000,000
Seung-Jin = $600,000
Skinner = $4,900,000
Telfair = $1,600,000
Webster = $2,500,000

Total = $47,100,000

That seems to be a lot of money and considering that every other day you read something about the Blazers having no work ethic, why not have them pay something back? It seems fair to me. If the Blazers aren’t going to perform on the court why don’t they do something to help off the court?

…and hello to you too, Miz Liberty!

Sadly, I don’t have a picture, but last night driving home I happened to notice that the Statue of Liberty was waving at me as I drove down Burnside. Then I noticed that she had a goatee and was waving some sort of sign. They weren’t really effective, because I don’t know what the sign said, I just remember that the Statue of Liberty was standing on Burnside smiling and waving. Wow.

Unconscionability, thy name is Paul

Just reserving the topic. I got dibs. Come back this afternoon for the actual post…

While you wait, a defintion from Wordnet: “adj 1: lacking a conscience; ‘a conscienceless villain’; ‘brash, unprincipled, and conscienceless’; ‘an unconscionable liar’ [syn: conscienceless] 2: greatly exceeding bounds of reason or moderation [syn: exorbitant, extortionate, outrageous, steep, usurious]”

And the inspiration for my disgust.

My main thesis will be that I really don’t like Portland’s current government, and I’m not really a fan of our state government either. But if they give the world’s 9th richest man one penny, I’ll freakin’ explode.

More later.

UPDATE: More after the jump.
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