Fat Tuesday

No, this is not a commentary on the various and sundry body types that one may discover in various states of undress in downtown Portland tonight. Certainly, although Portland consistently weighs in as one of the fittest cities in America (according to Men’s Fitness Magazine, anyway), it never seems to be the fit people that put on a show.

Instead, just wanted to make a quick note.

Disclaimer: The following does not constitute actual legal advice. Any reliance on the following may constitute criminal stupidity. I at no point am claiming to be an expert on the law. For all you know, Rusty is one step removed from floor-sweeper at the local Carl’s Junior. Anyone who may know any different is hereby invited to shut the hell up.

According to this citizen’s reading of the Oregon Revised Statutes, there is no law prohibiting the public display of female chestal regions. Per ORS 163.465, Public Indecency requires an act of sexual intercourse, deviate sexual intercourse (i.e. fellation or buggery), or the exposing of gentials with the intent of sexually arousing another person or yourself. Per Portland City Code, section 14A.40.030, exposure of genitalia is prohibited. Neither the state statute nor the city ordinance bother defining genitalia, but a search on Dictionary.com shows that, consistently, the word applies to sex organs (i.e. your “plumbing”).

So, while I’m home with my wife and kid, I suppose much hooliganism will take place under the watchful, but frustrated, eyes of local law enforcement. Just keep things respectable, kids. Because I’m sure they’ll make room for you in the jail if you don’t…

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