How to survive when you can’t make the Brewfest
Damn it!
No matter how I plot and scheme, I never, ever, ever make it to the Brewers Festival downtown.
Usually it’s a matter of simply forgetting about it. Often, it’s a matter of pre-cognitive counter-programming (that’s the technical term for when you make plans for a given time prior to knowing that something better will be happening at that particular moment).
This year? I blame JLowe.
JLowe, my closest friend, the brother I never had, is in the midst of painting his house (something that I will be in the midst of soon enough). However, he and I were both aware of the impending festival this year. And we were both highly interested in attending.
There was a minor hitch. My wife’s mother (sure, I could call her my mother-in-law, but that often has a negative connotation which I don’t really subscribe to) rented a condo at Lincoln City this weekend, so my wife did some acute counter-programming (though cognitively, as opposed to pre-cognitively) for Saturday.
Seeing that my chances at festival attendance were fading quickly, I pressured JLowe to help pry me loose this weekend. He was able to do so by way of proposing an outing via e-mail, which I was able to forward to my wife, which allowed me to articulate a basis for returning early from the coast.
Simple enough plan. Bite to eat if I was back soon enough. Then to the Festival for a couple of hours, imbibing until the 9:00 closing. Then to the Baghdad for some Napoleon Dynamite, with pizza and beer optional.
Like I said, simple enough.
And it was working. Sorta.
As I journeyed back, I entered into a text message conversation with JLowe that got more interesting as time went on.
As I left Lincoln City, I sent him a simple enough “Leaving Lincoln City now.” The response: “3/4ths done with first coat of primer.” Almost launched me into a panic. “First coat” should have told me there was trouble brewing; it aof course warned of a second coat to follow. But I rationalized that the second coat would go on today, as there was a plan in place to go out and play when I got home.
Eventually I got to the Dundee area. I let JLowe know. The response: “Second coat coming along nicely.” Knowing this meant he was pushing along, at close to 5pm, I texted “So are we not hanging out tonight?” “Yes, we are” he re-assured me.
At I-5 and Barbur, I advised him that I was, well, at I-5 and Barbur. The response was something to the effect that the second coat was going on faster than the first. Not entirely responsive.
I got back to Portland at around 6pm, not early enough for dinner, but early enough for the rest. I advised JLowe: “Home now. Plan?”
Here’s where it got loopy. Obviously he’d been huffing the primer. The response from JLowe: “Yes I am home. Still working, but it’s going faster.”
“No. I’m home. What’s the plan?”
“I can hang once I get done painting.” Shortly followed by “done painting.”
“Tell me your plan.” I started to wonder what was going on. Obviously JLowe had wrested control of the time bus, and he was driving now. That, and he’d been the one to propose a plan for the evening just the day before.
“I don’t have a plan. I thought you did.”
Argh! “You emailed a plan the other day. It involved the Brewfest and a movie. What happened to that?” I was getting frustrated. I sensed the cool, sweet beer slipping away from my lips.
“The Brewfest closes at 9:00. I’m not sure what time Napoleon Dynamite starts at the Baghdad. We could go to that and get pizza or something.”
Crap. My Brewfest was dead.
How to cope? Well, a couple of slices of pizza and a pitcher of Hammerhead do wonders, especially with Napoleon Dynamite on the big screen.
But, for another year, the Brewfest has evaded me.
So, I must live vicariously through you. What did you enjoy at the Brewfest this year? For next year, what are the must-hit breweries, and why?
And, for those out there with a kid and a wife who counter-programs and a friend who huffs primer, what are sure-fire strategies to make it to this, my Holy Grail of summer-time events?
(By the way, save JLowe’s blog! It’s actually very boring, and really there’s no real reason why you’d ever care about it, but throw him a comment, if for no other reason than to drag out his miserable blogospherical existence another year…)
Umm…it’s still going on today, you know. Until 7 pm.
I keep trying to motivate myself into going. But the kids don’t want the free root beer I keep using as the carrot – something about not wanting to leave the new video game they just bought. And if I drink beer in the afternoon, well – I’m toast for the rest of the day.
Sadly, my usable free-ime comes in useless bits. Today would be great, but my wife had a baby shower to attend in Stinkburgh…er…Albany, which makes me car-less. Was actually kicking around the idea of bussing down, but after my wife opted to leave me in charge of the baby (happy 9 months, Stella!), I’ve been relegated to domestic duties today…
In the immortal words of modern hero Dwight Schrute, “ess!”
I love beer, I brew it, I drink it hoppy. I used to love the brew fest, but I realized yesterday as I looked upon the scene: It sucks… Portland needs to step it up. This gripe could also be said for the Bite, Cinco de Mayo, Rose Festival and other Waterfront extravaganzas.
Why does this town, given it’s summertime awakening and festival fever, have friggin’ white tents, flimsy plastic chairs, 4 inches of loose, sandy dirt, banks of Honey Buckets, chain-link fences, after-thought music stages, bad layouts, long lines, obstructed views of downtown and Mt. Hood, and no ambiance and reason whatsoever to bring out-of-towners??
I am in no way suggesting a Pearl-ified Waterfront Park. Portland has a tradition of being pretentious about being unpretentious… blue collar and cultured, casual intellectuals, life-before-work easy going-ness. I think given the hundreds of thousands of tourists and festival goers that trek downtown each year, we need to put our best food forward. The park needs a flexible, modular, and removable pavilion system, configurable to each event’s needs. It needs greenery, roses, and grass in certain areas (not footpath areas) and more durable flexible surfaces where pavilions sit. It needs a permanent stage at the burnside end, a skatepark perhaps, and structures/attractions that draw more people, even lunchtime sunbathers, at non-event times. What if the park booked more concerts, street basketball tournaments, or festivals? Extra fees to pay for the whole thing, and more people would consider it a destination.
We had a German couple in town (they’ve been in the states for awhile, but still new enough to have thick accents)… they couldn’t believe how un-beer garden oktoberfest the whole fest felt. They suggested benches, higher tents, less dust, bigger steins, walking aisles that aren’t 3 feet wide, less parked semi-trailers and more. They said, and I agree, the brewfest felt like people looked agitated drinking their beer… fighting lines, trying not to spill in elbow-to-elbow spaces, and fretting the long bathroom lines. Shouldn’t people want to STAY?
Can I get an amen anyone?? It may sound sad, but this is a BIG deal. I grew up here and I take pride in the city. But yesterday, I wanted to vomit.
TK:
Well, at least I’m feeling better on missing out. I wish all commenters were as thoughtful in their opining.
Who agrees with TK? Who has a different take?
Hire me ;)
I totally agree with TK. I am a newcomer to Portland and have been looking forward to the festival since I moved here in March. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it on Friday so I opted to go yesterday afternoon. After waiting in line for 40 minutes just to get my ID checked, I walked in one entrance and immediately out another. The scene completely sucked! There was none of the funky, interesting Portland that I have gotten to know and love. The layout was horrible, the line to get the mugs/tokens was crazy, and the people were just plain irritating (not exactly the festival’s fault, but still…) I enjoyed the spring beer festival much more. It was in the convention center, which is definitely lacking in ambience, but at least the brewers had their own booths where you could learn more about the beers and the lines were only a fraction of yesterday’s. Don’t worry, Rusty, I don’t think we missed out on much. What a bummer!
I went to the first several Eugene Beer Festivals, and they were great. You had the chance to try some interesting beers (Cave Junction had a brewery? Who knew?), it wasn’t crowded, and you actually got a decent amount of beer for your token. Three tokens got you a decent 8 oz glass.
After a couple of years, it got more crowded, and more of the Big Brewers were showing up. The booths started measuring out the tastes by the drop, instead of just giving you a healthy portion. And the price went way up.
It became a lot less fun, and I quit going. Sounds like pretty much the same situation in Portland. Which is really too bad. With the important role this city played in the resurgance of craft microbrewing, we ought to have a beer festival that really celebrates the brewer’s art, and that people will think is worth going to.
(Since I have The Power, I killed the duplicate comments, fyi…)
I’d love to see some of TKreug’s ideas implemented into the Waterfront hardscape – it surely couldn’t cost too much more than reseeding/rewatering that patch of grass costs every week or so…!
Obviously the trick is to capture the more intimate setting of a smaller brew fest and translate it for 100,000 people. It can be done, and it’s done well in Germany. If we’re ‘Munich of America’ with our numerous beer choices, we should at least start acting like a destination. In this case, for lovers of good beer, in it’s epicenter.
I’ve complained before about the Bite, even in it’s ‘of Oregon’ iteration, because it features –BUDWEISER and it’s local holding, Widmer. I’m all for Widmer getting a seat at the table, but this should be another foodie destination. What would it be without a showcase of our best beers? Meanwhile, I noticed a laundry list of wines and restaurants from around the state. So visitors are cheated in the name of exclusive pouring rights/sponsorship. Forget it…
I’ve started sketching some ideas, and I hope to illustrate them in more detail. Ideally, from a design standpoint, you find a way to have collapsible pavilion structures that break down compact, yet don’t sacrifice aesthetic or flexibility. I think it also requires making the space feel less dusty desert, and more lush and inviting. Doesn’t have to be just grass and pavement and dust/sand. It doesn’t have to be high maintenance either, just sturdy hedgerows and simple beds. Maybe a (old)Yamhill Market/Pike Street Mkt hybrid is a good solution for the area near the Burnside Bridge. Who knows. All I know is, this is more hobby than profession and I’m in over my head beyond the illustration stage.
I’m convinced this could be accomplished easily and economically, using a local bid competition for design and structural teams. It can be minimal and thoughtful upgrades and the experience would be significantly better. Maybe a good way for the steel workers union to show their prowess over lightweight, collapsible steel structures. Think of the grants, donations, sponsorships and partnerships that could fund something great.
Ultimately, why wouldn’t there be the ‘juice’ to get it done or make it priority? Hundreds of thousands of people pour into the park each summer. We have beautiful, natural tourist attractions that speak for themselves (the coast, the gorge/falls, crater lake, etc)… Was there ever a bigger tourist attraction to upgrade in Oregon than Waterfront Park? Hell, even if there weren’t a tourist in the bunch, it would be our most used non-natural attraction. I think…
McCall Park is a nice location along the river and there were a lot of chairs available when I was there friday evening. If you’re going to have a festival for 100,000 folks every weekend from Cinco do Mayo through August you’re going to wear out the grass.
Putting up a stage won’t solve the problem. A permanent structure (can you say a fairground) like the Bierhauses at the German Octoberfest in Munich would cost a ton of money and would ruin the park for Rose Festival, etc. Look at the problems Wash Cty is having affording their fairground facilities and who’d like to MAX all the way out there for a Brewfest?
The Spring Beer Festical had many fewer folks attending and had a trade show atmosphere where they sold beer. I got in free since I volunteered but as I recall, they charge admission where the Brewfest doesn’t.
The Brewfest is a Brewers Festival and as such is oriented towards the brewers and beer drinkers who want to experience different beers rather than the “Party Hardy” crowd.
Actually, putting in a permanent stage or two is a great idea – it’d be used by every single festival I can think of, from Cinco de Mayo to the Bite to the Brewers Festival and more.
And since Pepsi Waterfront is only there for 10 days and is a dwindling entity anyway, perhaps they could work around the stage and/or work it into their scheme as an attraction.
I’m not thinking of a huge behemoth – just a band shell or two with some concrete bench seating, located at opposite ends of the stretch (you could place chairs beyond that if you have a particularly popular act, of course.)
I like the idea of a shell on the north side of the Hawthorne bridge and another on the south side of the Steel Bridge.
i’m not sure I’ve ever enjoyed myself at the brewfest. the conditions and atmosphere are horrible every year.
by the way, as a proud native of albany i feel it is my duty to inform you that millersburg is the stinky town. it just happens to be right next to albany.
I went to the first few brew festivals and my memories are that A) they ran out of beer and B) the frat boys were out in force because of the belief that it is a drunkfest.
I think that is the crux of this issue. Have you been to Oktoberfest in Munich? I have and it isn’t a drunkfest as is ever event in the US. People there go for the atmosphere and to have a beer and sing drinking songs, but it isn’t a venue for everyone to get sloshed.
I don’t like the idea of a huge tent or huge venue of any sort to tast things. There are tooooooo many choices and you only get to tast a little bit. If you really want to try some good unique beers, head on down to John’s Market or Belmont Station. Heck, head into the Horse Brass – they will let you taste some great stuff. And you won’t have to fight the crowds.
I just think that when these festivals are planned, they are planned for the masses, not the minority. While us beer drinkers feel the Brewfest is for us to taste some choice beers, remember that all those 20 somethings also think it’s a way to get strong beer on the cheap. (eventhough its not cheap)
Deisel:
On your first point, the issue of people’s demeanor at the event is, to a large degree, a symptom of America’s mindset towards alcohol.
Although I wish it weren’t this way, the question from the practical standpoint ends up being: a Brewfest with drunken American revelry, or no Brewfest at all? There seems to be no happy medium available…
OK, this may seem a little too kumbaya-ish, but it’s not often we have an event that draws every scene together… frat boys, so-called-hipsters (god I hate that word), boomers, tourists, biz types, suburbanites, etc. I have to say, it’s good to bring the populace together to celebrate what we all agree on: good beer.
I agree with Dieselboi, in that given the dozens of great beer choices at the fest, the conditions allow you to only sample a few. But the conditions make it hard to enjoy what beer you do get your hands on. I find myself hurrying to drink, just to ensure I don’t get bumped and spill. I saw 30+ people who were wearing more beer than imbibing it. I really don’t mind if people get drunk and loose, but elbow-to-elbow nothingness doesn’t make it worth it.
I think it’s so sad that so many of you seem to hate the OBF. Not to say that the waterfront couldn’t use some improvement overall – and the fest organizers could take some lessons from the International Beerfest (held two weeks ago, we personally feel it’s the best of the 4 big beer fests – the spring being the worst – definitely to much tradeshow, not enough ‘fest’)
But wow – there is some serious hatred here – several of the comments here have completely inaccurate information and obviously the commentor hasn’t been the the event in many years, yet still has some strange hatred for it.
It’s an event that we look forward to every year – and always have a great time. I think I mentioned some of this in Betsy’s post pre-fest last week, but really – you just have to plan a little.
Don’t go on Friday or Sat evening at 6pm if you don’t like crowds – it’s a weekend night, what do you expect. The lines are indeed long and irritating.
If you are really into the beer tasting aspect (which we are) – not the drunken frat-boy beer swilling aspect (which we also despise) go early. At noon on Friday the beer geeks were out in full force and it was a GREAT atmosphere. We didn’t hear the first frat-boy mating call until about 3:30pm.
You can buy mugs and tokens in advance at many local beer shops and pubs to avoid waiting in that line once you get there.
Don’t try to hang out right in front of where they are pouring – of course you feel crowded and dirty – there are lots of areas that you can relax in the shade (or sun) and in the grass and not feel crowded at all.
Amongst our friend group, we had visitors from Atlanta, Texas, and Florida all in town for the fest – and everyone had a great time.
And as for TKRUEG’s comment that it made him want to vomit – we had the complete opposite reaction. As we crossed over the Morrison bridge and saw the tents sitting along the Waterfront, my husband’s comment was “seeing those tents is like seeing the Big Top tents when you were a little kid – it makes me all giddy”
Divebarwife-
I’m not sure where you get the impression that myself or others here have a ‘hatred’ for the OBF. It’s always been a favorite summer event for me, but it just needs to be improved in a lot of ways. I love beer, I like fun crowds, I love music, and I love good food… so why wouldn’t I like OBF? The problem is in the details and execution.
I think it was the phrases “It sucks” and “I wanted to vomit.”
I do understand what you’re saying – it could abslutely use some improvement – the IBF is much more organized – such as the map they do of which beer is where (and not charging you to get one)- great idea.
But is there any event that couldn’t improve upon it’s details and execution? I still love the OBF in spite of it’s flaws.