Just a Round Piece of Bread with a Hole in the Center
A post over on the Damn Portlanders messageboards made me remember something that happened over the weekend that I had blocked out due to sheer disappointment.
See, I went to Bagel Land on NE Fremont. I was lured in by the “Since 1979″ banner on the outside and my seemingly endless quest for a good East Coast style bagel out here in the Northwest which has gone on for many years now. And contrary to what the above link to the Mercury might have you believe, this is no authentic bagel place. It may be possible that I hit them on a bad day, but if you don’t have your best, fresh bagels available on a Friday mid-morning, then that’s probably an indication that something is very, very wrong.
I should’ve known better the second we walked in and the 20-ish, shaggy-haired dude behind the counter gave me the head nod. I wanted to see some little old lady or crooked-backed old man behind the counter, ready to dispense some advice on how to properly shmear the bagel. Not to be dissuaded, I bought a half dozen assorted along with some chive cream cheese and headed home. Opening the bag, I squeezed the bagel– or attempted to, not a good sign — and then sliced it, shmeared it, and took a bite. And as I chewed, all I could think as I personified by bagel was, “You, sir, do not deserve the title of bagel.”
I still haven’t tried Betsy’s almost recommended Kettleman’s bagels, and I’m curious to see how Kenny and Zuke’s may stack up when they open in September, (especially as they’ll be a walkable morning snack/lunch hit from the office), though my real fear is that after all this time away from the East Coast, I won’t be able to recognize the authenticity when I taste it. Though I’d guess that a truly good bagel would take me right back to the sights and sounds (but hopefully not the smells) of NYC.
**this post will be much better appreciated if read in the tone of someone Andy Rooneyish (see comments on this post). If I manage to be half as cranky and “back in my day” as the Roonster, then I must be doing something right**
I need you to help instruct me in the way of the bagel. I was raised on Lender’s Bagles during my youth in the Mid-West so I’ve clearly never eaten an actual bagel.
lenders? i just threw up in my mouth a little.
you buy me a ticket to new york and I’ll get you bagels, the best sub sandwich you’ll ever eat, and great thin pizza. deal?
Lenders… for those times when you just want a ’shelf-stable’, dry-ass piece of stale bread. The only way I could ever eat one is to toast it, to ‘wake up’ the bread so to speak. ((shiver))
BTW… the Cedar Hills New Seasons Market is a test store for Kettlemans Bagels.
I knew that Andy Rooney line would be money in the bank. That’s right, a bank full of money! You probably should have started with a “Have you ever noticed…” intro though.
And there’s not many people in NYC doing pizza as well as Brian Spangler over at Apizza Scholls. You owe it to yourself to head out there.
i’ve attempted apizza scholls twice now but have been rebuffed mostly by their wait times but a little by their attitude. i hope to get in there to try it sometime soon. though is it really new york style? it sounds much more gourmet than the greasy thin order-by-the-slice type that i miss from back east.
Jonashpdx, did you mean to spell “Hole” with a “W” in the title?
Maybe you should buy ME the ticket to NYC, mis-speller!
nice catch, mr, thanks. fixed now.
Boasting about NYC and then complaining about a bit of attitude? Tut-tut my good sir, that simply will not do.
I’ve not been back to NYC in a decade, but I hear tell Apizza Scholls is similar to DiFara’s out in Brooklyn. Crisp, slightly charred crust as opposed to the squishy flavorless crust you can pick up at EFNY which seems more in your nostalgic tastes.
squishy=good, tasteless=not so good. and i’m all for the charred crust on the more upscale gourmet pizza, but as you say, that’s not the nostalgic every-street-corner-slice way. i’ve seen near knife fights over different pizza styles — hell, i’ve nearly started some– so, as in burgers, to each their own.
and there’s “attitude” and then there’s ATTITUDE. having only stepped foot in Apizza Scholl’s once (though having heard many secondhand stories) i am more than willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, especially if their pizza’s as good as people say.
i think its just best to give up on the bagel and pizza thing. gives you something to look forward to when you go back east and going on bagel and pizza quests will distract you from the new york coffee problem.
and the winner is george, speaker of truth. the dirty brown water that is called “coffee” is NOT missed in the slightest.
A friend informs me that the Kornblatt’s name came up in a previous bagel discussion and was poo-poo’ed.
Thus, a bit of local historical context may be in order. Josh Kornblatt ran Portland Bagel Bakery on SW 4th/Oak for years in the 80’s thru ‘94 (in that location). While there, he ran a deli and a wholesale/retail bakery delivering what were widely regarded as the best bagels in town- verified by many East Coasters who would drop in and quite enjoy the product.
Josh opened Kornblatt’s up on 23rd in the early 90’s, with the dough being mixed at the 4th Av location and delivered nightly to 23rd to be baked the next morning- a do-able task, but not necessarily the best technique (i.e., proofing issues in transport, etc).
In ‘94, in an effort to deliver the best bagels around to more people, Josh closed the 4th AV bakery and opened an expanded baking facility up on NW Yeon. This proved a daunting task in that much of the new baking equipment did not work as it should, nor did it produce the same quality of product as the tried and true ‘old-school’ gear from the 4th AV bakery.
Josh wound up selling off his interest in the Yeon Bakery in the later ’90s.
He also sold off the Kornblatt’s business up on 23rd and, so I hear, moved back to the East Coast for awhile for family reasons. This may account for any decline in quality that may have occurred.
I worked for Josh 1990 to 1995, we had our differences but, he was a great guy and he certainly knew what he was doing in terms of making a genuine East Coast bagel.
Prior to that, I also briefly worked
at Bagel Land (nee Bagel Ladies up on Fremont).
I’m of the opinion that Portland Bagel in its heyday turned out a better bagel than Bagel Land.
I know this does no-one any good today in terms of finding a good bagel, but the fact remains, people have pioneered a great bagel here and moved on due to changes in their own circumstances.
you know where they have a damn fine near east-coast quality bagel that no one ever talks about? the bread and ink cafe. or at least they used to. i haven’t been there in a while. but damn, were those bagels good. not as good as H&H, but better than anything else i have ever consumed in portland. risen, boiled, and baked, all proper style.
Get out of Portland if you want to lecture us about your East coast bagels. I’m sick of people who move here and act like they know something we don’t. Goldberg’s bagels in SW next to Gabriel Park was an institution for years, run by a friendly Jewish family, till it closed a few years ago and became a Plaid Pantry. I shed a tear for the Portland I once new…
wow, halo, overreact much? so i miss east coast bagels, so what? i think we’re all allowed standards now and again, and i didn’t think i was lecturing. and i didn’t slag off ALL bagel makers, i just had a crappy bagel or six at Bagel Land. since you mourn Goldberg’s, which is no longer around, does that mean you need to leave, too? god forbid anybody like anything made outside of portland. not allowed, nosiree.
by the way, morty, thank you for the historical perspective, much appreciated.
Kornblatt’s is one of those joints like Rose’s that was an institution back in the day and, either through a change in ownership or expansion or some other disaster, is a pretty sad shadow of it’s former self today.
what is it about bagles that not a single baker in PDX can manage?
The problem, I think, is that too many Portlanders LIKE squishy bagels. They do make better sandwiches than a traditional bagel. And with pizza, I think a lot of people, perhaps most, out here like thick crusts with lots and lots of toppings.
But you know what: Michael Zusman who was selling his bagels at Touch of Grace this morning at the Portland Farmers Market makes better bagels than most NY places and even better than many of the better places (he hand forms each one and they’re made with a sourdough starter and expensive ingredients) and Brian at Apizza Scholls makes better pizzas of the same style as the coal oven style places in NY.
The only other bagel besides Zusman’s I’d buy are Tastebud’s at the Hillsdale Farmers Market. I did a report on a bunch of local bagels:
http://www.extramsg.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=2158
I plan on updating it with the Tastebud bagels.