BBQ Etiquette
BBQ season is officially upon us – believe me – we went to four over the 3-day weekend! And while I feel like my friends and I have our system down pretty well after many years of backyard fests – I know there a lot of different opinions on BBQ – and party etiquette in general.
– Is the host obligated to provide enough food and drink for all or does everyone pitch in?
– Is it ‘tacky’ to tell people over the age of 30 that the party is BYOB?
– Is it tacky for the host to not have enough food and/or drink to ‘cover’ those that forget/don’t bring there own (food, drink or whatever)
– Is it tacky to specify that kids aren’t allowed / should it be assumed that they are allowed if the invite doesn’t say otherwise?
Like I said – we never have issues with this stuff when we have people over, or when we go to our friends – we’re a pretty laid back bunch – but I’ve heard a lot of grumblings from co-workers, former co-workers and other acquaintances regarding ‘bad BBQ situations’ involving issue such as these.
So tell me Portland – do you really care if you have to bring your own 6-pack and a salad to a BBQ? I know that as much as I love my friends – I for one am not buying enough booze for all of them unless it’s a major special occasion!
NOTE: Apparently ‘BYOB’ flags our spam filters if you comment – so warned!
My two cents inline…
Is the host obligated to provide enough food and drink for all or does everyone pitch in?
***Come close to providing for all but at the same time encourage bring your own. And then eat or drink the leftovers over the next several days.
Is it ‘tacky’ to tell people over the age of 30 that the party is BYOB?
***Not at all.
Is it tacky for the host to not have enough food and/or drink to ‘cover’ those that forget/don’t bring there own (food, drink or whatever)
***Not tacky but buy extra to cover these contingencies.
Is it tacky to specify that kids aren’t allowed / should it be assumed that they are allowed if the invite doesn’t say otherwise?
***Up to the sensitivities of those hosting/being invited
– Is the host obligated to provide enough food and drink for all or does everyone pitch in?
If the host isn’t providing everything it’s fine, as long as the guests know that.
– Is it ‘tacky’ to tell people over the age of 30 that the party is BYOB?
No. We usually specify what we are serving (typically wine or a specific cocktail) then tell people to bring anything else they’d like.
– Is it tacky for the host to not have enough food and/or drink to ‘cover’ those that forget/don’t bring there own (food, drink or whatever)
yes, but it is also tacky to show up with your hands empty when you’re asked to bring something
– Is it tacky to specify that kids aren’t allowed / should it be assumed that they are allowed if the invite doesn’t say otherwise?
If you don’t want kids there say “adults only please” That isn’t tacky. But as for what to do with your own kid: If the person throwing the shindig doesn’t have kids I would ask first (or just go ahead and hire a babysitter and have a night off). If it was a family BBQ I would assume my kid was welcome too.
More $0.02:
Is the host obligated to provide enough food and drink for all or does everyone pitch in?
>>Hosts should make it clear whether it’s all hosted or a potluck of some kind. Guests should always volunteer. Even if the hosts provide everything, it’s nice to bring a bottle of wine or something as a thank-you. The hosts can enjoy it later.
Is it ‘tacky’ to tell people over the age of 30 that the party is BYOB?
>>I think it makes sense to let guests know the liquor policy, whatever it is.
Is it tacky for the host to not have enough food and/or drink to ‘cover’ those that forget/don’t bring there own (food, drink or whatever)
>>It’s tacky for the guests. It’s common sense for the hosts.
Is it tacky to specify that kids aren’t allowed / should it be assumed that they are allowed if the invite doesn’t say otherwise?
>>It’s tacky to assume that ANYONE is invited who isn’t on the invite. And it’s rude to bring along someone who wasn’t invited.
Last: I don’t think it’s rude at all to tell guests what the BBQ is about upfront. My friend who always throws a 4th of July BBQ usually says “We’re providing chicken and burgers, as well as beer and soft drinks. We’re asking people to bring side dishes, as well as anything else they might like to drink.”
I also think thank-you notes are good, but for a backyard BBQ, an email would probably be fine.
I would say a host should provide ample staple items like hamburgers and hot dogs, maybe some chicken but guests that want steak or special items should be encouraged to bring their own.
Same goes for beverages. You should have some beer, soda, lemonade etc. on hand but if people want microbrews, liquor and such they should bring their own.
I always say, all ages in the day light but when the sun goes down, it should go 21+
In general – no rules for a BBQ, you set them with the invite. My sneaky trick – buy a buncy of cheap wine at Trader Joes, tell everyone to bring a bottle of wine, cork you crappy TJ’s wine first, and you generally get to keep what is left over ( of course with my crowd it usually backfires and I still wind up 5-6 bottles in the hole).
I come from the Midwest, which is the land of the potluck. If everyone brings something to the party, we can have more parties. Bring food and booze and we can all have more parties!!!! I declare this the 11th commandment!
Long live the party – sharing is caring!
i don’t mind as a guest bringing my own food/drink, but i do assume the host is more interested in seeing me than my beer, and will have something for me if i’ve worked a long day and didn’t have time to stop at the grocery store.
as a host, i make sure there are two to four beers and two burgers and two hot dogs for everyone i expect. you can consume the extra later. if they want something special, they can bring it. i love love love guests who show up with beer even though i’ve never asked, so i always try to be that guest. i think it’s okay to request byob (see my being a guest policy), but sometimes feeling obligated to shop will keep shy guests away, and that’s a bad outcome.
i don’t see the age distinction. i’m 32, and i bmob.
for something casual like a bbq, if the people inviting you know you have kids and don’t say “get a babysitter,” your kids should be invited. the same does not apply for a new year’s eve cocktail party.