Starlight Parade? Grand Floral Parade? I Don’t Give a Rip

The Rose Festival’s Starlight Parade is this Saturday beginning at 8:30 p.m.

I, for one, don’t give a rip.

First of all, I hate all parades. Just the very act of compliant, follow-the-leader marching is repugnant to this rugged, “listen to my own beat” individualist.

I don’t like parade floats either. They are silly and goofy. Not art. Not even craft. Just the creations of organizationally minded folks with too much time on their hands.

I don’t like parade music. Slavishly sticking to charts. I want my music more improvisational and creative.

I don’t like parade-participating organizations. Do you really need huge signs and dopey floats to draw attention to yourselves?

I don’t like parade crowds. What’s the point of pitching your chair the day or night before? Downtown is dug up enough than for me to countenance more blockages. Let me drive the hell through.

Parades. Insipid. Every damn single one of them- including the Starlight Parade.

And the Grand Floral, which is a week from Saturday at 10 a.m.?

I do happen to care about roses, but when I want to study them I go to Washington Park’s International Rose Test Garden and take photos of roses in micromode.

10 Comments so far

  1. RAH (unregistered) on May 31st, 2007 @ 4:22 pm

    I suppose you don’t like driving on roads, either, because that’s where everyone else is driving?

    I thought *I* was crabby.

  2. natty (unregistered) on May 31st, 2007 @ 4:42 pm

    wow, why such a hater? xo

  3. Roger (unregistered) on May 31st, 2007 @ 4:51 pm

    > Just the very act of compliant, follow-the-leader > marching is repugnant to this rugged, “listen to
    > my own beat” individualist.

    Maybe the parade marchers are following *their* own beat.

  4. Steve (unregistered) on May 31st, 2007 @ 6:01 pm

    Goodness Russ,

    This one was out of left field.

    You need a kid and you need to bring them to the junior parade. I think then you’d understand why people go.

    Maybe you’ll go to another event for this centennial celebration. Then again maybe the ghost of Christmas past makes visits in June.

  5. Dawn (unregistered) on May 31st, 2007 @ 9:21 pm

    I love the parades!

    I love meeting my sidewalk neighbors, and sharing the short time with them.

    I love the bands and being so close to them that you can feel the music in your heart.

    I love buying my niece and nephews cotton candy and them sending them home with their parents, sticky and on a sugar-high.

    I love seeing the fireman climb the ladder and jumb off of it onto some stretched canvas in the middle of the street.

    I love the pooper-scoopers and the comedy they provide.

    I love seeing the floats, whether all lit up for the SP, or all decked out in flowers for the GFP. The time and craftsmanship that go into both are truly amazing and deserve respect.

    These parades are part of makes Portland what it is…

  6. Jillyflower (unregistered) on May 31st, 2007 @ 11:24 pm

    Hey Sweetie – come to the Greek Cuisina! I have a table with my girls on the best spot to view the parade. . .and even though it was POURING down rain last year we had a blast.

    I hate the carnival scene because of the bleeding from my wallet for the crappy carnival rides, but you would have fun hanging with me and my girls at the extra special spot for the Starlight parade!

    C’mon – do it like a rock star and you will be a convert~! Bring your nieces and nephews – the more the merrier! RSVP to me at 503-502-0706 – or just stop by fellow blogger buddies!


  7. Julian (unregistered) on June 1st, 2007 @ 4:17 am

    “What’s the point of pitching your chair the day or night before?”

    Besides showing you are in a bitchy-ass mood, what is the point of this blog?

  8. divebarwife (unregistered) on June 1st, 2007 @ 7:16 am

    I am out of town this weekend and next and therefore for the first time in many many years I will not be marching in either parade – I normally take part in both.

    And I LOVE IT!!!!

    If you think floats are made by ‘no-talents’ you’ve obviously never really seen one and definitely never seen one being built.

    ‘free-flowing’ music sounds an awful lot like that insipid, self-indulgent, self-important jazz to me…give me a rousing Sousa march any day!

    Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion – this is that of this rugged, “listen to my own beat” individualist.

  9. Norm! (unregistered) on June 1st, 2007 @ 8:32 am

    FYI: No one cares that you don’t like parades. Your opinion is not unique. In fact, you could probably organize a huge group of fellow parade-haters and say, walk down the parade route proclaiming your hatred of the parade.

    Yes, the Rose Festival parades are cheesy (and way too dull and corporate), but they are what they are.

  10. stormfeather (unregistered) on June 3rd, 2007 @ 2:48 am

    c’mon people they had the Ronald Mc Donald shoe and ROTARIAN Pirates!!!!!!!!!

    But I admit I always like the crazy mail-carrier folk and the stormtroopers. The master gardeners with their lady-bugs and rake act were cute.

    – a reformed parader

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