The Rose Festival’s Starlight Parade ^[1]is this Saturday beginning at 8:30 p.m.

I, for one, don’t give a rip.

First of all, I hate all parades. Just the very act of compliant, follow-the-leader marching is repugnant to this rugged, “listen to my own beat” individualist.

I don’t like parade floats either. They are silly and goofy. Not art. Not even craft. Just the creations of organizationally minded folks with too much time on their hands.

I don’t like parade music. Slavishly sticking to charts. I want my music more improvisational and creative.

I don’t like parade-participating organizations. Do you really need huge signs and dopey floats to draw attention to yourselves?

I don’t like parade crowds. What’s the point of pitching your chair the day or night before? Downtown is dug up enough than for me to countenance more blockages. Let me drive the hell through.

Parades. Insipid. Every damn single one of them- including the Starlight Parade.

And the Grand Floral ^[2], which is a week from Saturday at 10 a.m.?

I do happen to care about roses, but when I want to study them I go to Washington Park’s International Rose Test Garden and take photos of roses in micromode.