So it’s time to sing a hearty chorus of ’so long, good bye, auf Wiedersehen, etc. etc. etc.’ to Z-Bo, is it? The whole Hoops Family is in relocation mode, right?

Allow me to give them all some housing advice, gleaned from my own seven years of residing in and around the metro NYC area:

• Sure, you may have the dough to ‘move on up’ to the upper east side with George and Wheezy. And lord only knows the proximity to scho…- uh, I mean Scores – is ideal. But there’s no ATV parking, for starters – and the bluebloods might just look down on the whole posse aspect. Besides, do you really need the 24/7 temptations lurking in the city that never sleeps? No, you do NOT. So that rules out the entire island of Manhattan.
• Queens? Fagettabout it. No one who’s anyone lives in Queens.
• Brooklyn? Nah. The commute would be a bitch…ditto for Lawgiland (been there, lived through that.)

Which leaves one viable option, as I see it.

Take the tunnel, take the bridge – but go west, young man. New Jersey’s your kind of place. Get a little land, a little distance between you and the neighbors. Sure, they’re live and let live out there – after all, they’ve had Tony & the rest of the Soprano family hauling their garbage and stirring up trouble for ages now.

I think you’ll fit right in…!