On my way home from seeing Jesse Malin perform at the Crystal Ballroom last night, I noticed this billboard above Dante’s:

Um…yeah. Was that advertisement created by someone who doesn’t know what the term “tweaked” brings to mind?

I hadn’t even heard of 4-H until I was in my twenties and when I learned that school children raised farm animals that would compete for awards and then be slaughtered, I really couldn’t believe it. Seemed all too cruel. But then I met actual people who had done this and I was amazed. Who can blame me, really. I went to public school in California. I’ve never read The Scarlet Letter. Our high school had no lights on the football field and our most popular team was the surf team. My high school experience was lacking. But I will say that I have elevated the act of watching surfer boys change out of their wet suits beneath skimpy towels to an art and I can power down a Zima in record time. Not to brag or anything.

Here’s my point: why do I keep seeing tiny farm animals on the streets of Portland? Saturday I posted about the tiny horse I saw outside Little Red Bike Cafe. And yesterday I spotted these pygmy goats outside Anna Bananas. Is it N Lombard? Is it me? Are these mini barnyard creatures a figment of my imagination? But I have the pictures! Does anyone else see them?

Oh, and for you 4-H folks out there, I’ve seen tiny horses and goats. I wonder, is there a teacup cow that might turn up? Because that would be really cute.

Okay, so it isn’t a train of the future but it’s a train that may be in Portland’s future.

Want to find out about the proposed Portland-Milwaukie light rail stations? METRO is holding two open house meetings so that people can learn about the ideas from past workshops, share ideas about the proposed stations and generally find out what is going on with the project.

There’s an open house tonight in the Sellwood Middle School Cafeteria (8300 SE 15th Avenue) and another tomorrow night (Tuesday the 27th) in the OMSI Auditorium (1945 SE Water Avenue). If you’ve got an opinion on the project maybe you should pop in and share it.

This view helps having to be at work early on Mondays.

On Monday (tomorrow), Tel Aviv’s finest, Monotonix, will lay waste to The Tube.

On Tuesday, Venice CA’s legendary sons, Suicidal Tendencies, will make a showing at the Roseland.
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• An adorable 2-year-old in a pink skating skirt and hearts on her butt doing sit-spins in the middle of the rink.
• One fearless 10 year-old boy who went fast, fell hard and was right back up again.
• An old man in knee pads and a helmet giving his grandson a hand.
• Two 40+ women in yoga pants, long hair and high-end roller blades gliding along like they were actually doing yoga.
• One roller-derby trained mom who knew how to make a graceful ‘landing.’
• A dad in a kilt, a mom with pink hair and their teenager in black.
• Three giggling 14 year-old girls alternately on their cellphones or looking for “the cute boy” when it came time for couples skate.
• Four 30+ women wobbling and laughing around the rink…oh yeah…that would be us.

One of my girl friends is going to a skating party for a friend’s birthday in Atlanta next month, and over Thanksgiving day cocktails was lamenting to us that she hadn’t been on skates in years and wished she could practice before going. Although I haven’t been to a rink in more than a decade, I used to dream of being Olivia Newton-John in Xanadu (that was actually my Halloween costume at age 11) and spent a good portion of my youth on wheels, our other friend had a similar vision as a child – and even spent a bit of time training to be in Roller Derby – so we hopped on the chance to go for a skate. We called in one more childhood roller-girl and hit the rink at Oaks Park Saturday afternoon.

The first lap around the wood was a little frightening – I felt wobbly and my calves began to ache almost instantly taking off across the floor. I actually had to stop after just one lap and step out to stretch. Next time around – just one more lap. I thought I’d lost it. I was in over my head. That the girl who used to skate not just forwards, but backwards, in pirouettes, on one-foot, under the limbo pole, and everywhere was too far gone, too old and out of shape. But the next time I made two laps. Then four. Then The Hokey Pokey. By the time we left about two hours later, I was feeling really good about it. I didn’t try any of my old ‘Xanadu moves’ but I think after another time or two I’d be able to. And my legs definitely felt it later that evening – but in a good way.

I do think that we might have been the only adults there that didn’t have children in tow – but we had a blast and are totally going back. And if you too spent your junior high years chasing boys (or girls) and dreams of roller-skating fame…you should check it out too!

Sorry about the headline, but it’s still November for a few days yet and hat means sweeps! (:

I read about the requirements on the sale of spray paint and acid etching which are new as of 11/1. OK, that seems not TOO terribly bad. Oh wait, there’s a log too. Well normally I’d be nervous about picking up a rattle can for something and having my name, birthday, ODL# and signature on a sheet of paper at the register-you know, with identity theft being such a huge problem and all. But most identity thieves are stealing identities so they can scam some money and go get meth, right? So it’s not a big deal since you can’t get Sudafed anymore either and that TOTALLY solved the entire meth problem.

Then I went shopping this weekend.

At my day job I am a team lead, and at Christmas I like to do something small for each of my team members. This year I indulged my crafty side and bought mini tote bags to decorate. I found some fabric paint that would do the job nicely so I took my purchases up to the counter.

My normally brief transaction at Michael’s-she scans while I swipe my card, I sign while she bags it up, and off I go-was shot all to hell by the new law.

This bottle of green glitter PUFFY PAINT (the true 80’s children reading this just shuddered, I know-but flat fabric paint won’t work on the totes I got) weighs in at a whopping OUNCE of green and glitter. For this purchase my entire transaction screeches to a halt. I have to get out my ID, wait while the woman at the counter writes everything down on a sheet of paper stashed next to the register, then I have to sign it, then we can move on with our lives. Keep in mind this has to happen for EACH ITEM-If I’d bought a red glitter bottle too it would have been another bunch of stuff on the form.

To sum up, I am now a double threat: I am illegally obtaining meth Pseudoephedrine from the great state of Washington because I am partial to breathing, and now I am going to end up in a database somewhere because I bought an ounce of Holiday Green Glitter Puffy Paint which I will now ostensibly use to tag bus stops and buildings. An ounce at a time.

I am finding more and more examples lately where abiding by the law is becoming a MAJOR hassle because a few people have screwed it up for everybody else. Can’t we try just locking up paint and showing ID without having to write it all down? Much like The Last Days Of Sudafed, does it matter if I get two bottles of puffy paint at this Michaels and that Michaels and then go to JoAnns and get more? Does anyone care what it says on the sheets? If I did go tag in Holiday Green, how would you catch me? Hassling everyone who bought puffy paint in the last month? What happens to those sheets of information? Is there ANY compelling reason why filling out that stupid form is helpful?

I know Randy Leonard was behind this, and I know his intentions were good, and I appreciate what he is trying to do. A message to you Randy: “Regular” Michael’s customers are ladies who have enough free time to do something with the kind of stuff they sell at Michael’s. They are not a demographic I would want to anger. They’ll send you angry letters on fancy custom papers with stickers and stamped patterns around the outside. Lots and lots of letters. I suggest an amendment to make exceptions for 2oz or less, or something similar. It will save you LOTS of letters.

In today’s Oregonian, there’s an article on the increased cost of hops and barley and its impact on area craft brewers. In short, the cost of these ingredients has jumped significantly within the past year due to low supply and high demand.

The story notes that we beerdrinkers should get used to paying more for a pint at the local pub or that six-pack from the supermarket for years to come.

Even if it means increased prices and/or reducing the availability of certain beers, I hope our favorite craft brewers can make it through this.

If you’ve never heard about a sports promotion called the “Teddy Bear Toss,” you’ll be forgiven for imagining teddy bears being tossed into the crowd.

But at the tenth annual Winter Hawks Teddy Bear Toss tonight, it was 20,372 plush toys thrown by fans onto the ice, setting a new record for this promotion. I don’t get it, really, but it’s one of the most popular promotions on the Hawks’ calendar. They dry the bears out and distribute them to charity. (I’m thinking, if all the tens of thousands of dollars were just donated to charity, rather than spent at the Dollar Tree and Fred Meyer for all those plush toys…. Nah, forget it, people like throwing stuff onto the ice.)

It takes quite a while to pick up 20,372 stuffed animals, so Teddy Bear Toss games effectively have three intermissions. (Note to self: take extra beer money on teddy bear toss night.) We got the bear toss out of the way just 3:12 into the game, even though the goal was waved off.

With all that fun behind us, the 6,343 fans were treated to a very strange and entertaining game. Portland held off a late-surging Chilliwack (B.C.) Bruins squad to win 4-3. Portland goalie Curtis Mucha set a team record, stopping 65 shots from Chilliwack.

I don’t much care for suburban living. As a person who lived in Vancouver for seven years, I think I’m qualified to make this assessment. While I was able to afford a pretty big house for a pretty small sum of money by opting to live outside of Portland city limits, there were definite trade-offs – and I’m pretty certain that these trade-offs apply to any suburban setting. First off, outside of movies, there is no real nightlife to speak of. Secondly, traffic, even on weekends, is atrocious (my time spent in traffic on East Mill Plain Blvd was comparable to the traffic I encountered when I lived in Southern California). Thirdly, there’s a “leave me alone” undercurrent that can sometimes get ugly. In Vancouver, it raised its head when voters loudly voted down a measure that would have extended light rail from Portland. In the meantime, traffic on the Interstate Bridge just gets crappier and crappier. Smart move, guys.

Anyway, I’ve really, really been enjoying my time here in Portland. I live in a small apartment now, but I’m happier than I ever was in my ‘couvehaus. Public transit is awesome. There is a strong sense of community. The sheer amount of things to do on any given night is mind boggling. Unless…
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