Things we’d do for New Year’s Eve in Portland (if we had a sitter)

A guest post from one Wacky Mommy, blogger at large:

Don’t you think my husband, Steve (aka Hockey God) and I should be going out for New Year’s Eve? Me, too! Well, my mom doesn’t and that’s why she said she can’t babysit. Something about “New Year’s Day walk with my friend at 9 a.m. — if you can come pick them up before that, but I don’t think you could, could you, you’ll be too hungover, loser…” etc.

And babysitters? Ha ha ha. Teenagers nowadays, they’re all, “I don’t have any money for Starbucks, an iPod Nano, beer,” yet they are unwilling to babysit, mow lawns, walk dogs, pluck chickens, whatever I require them to do, for real, cash money. A pox on you, teenagers. I need you to work for me so I don’t have to.

If we could go out tonight here’s where we could go:

1) Pause, for dinner and drinks.

2) Mary’s

3) Dancing Bear, no, BARE

4) Magic Gardens

5) Any of a variety of strip clubs which make Portland what it is today: out of control and a little skeezy. Not that I’m particularly yearning to go see nekkid women, but the point is, that’s what I want to do more than anything now that I know we cannot. I want to get drunk with my husband and watch nekkid women gyrate and shove money at them. Blame it on Little Miss Honey Butt, the girl and her husband, Slim, love the dancers.

6) Alternately, we could do something classy, like go out for a fancy dinner at the Heathman and stay the night in a swank room.

7) There’s always the Jupiter Hotel.

8) Or the Viking Motel, if you’re on a budget. Heeheehee.

9) The Alibi, for karaoke and foofy drinks.

10) Someone just said something about a hockey game, sk8ing afterward, bring your sk8s!!!, blood on the ice from Seattle getting beat up, etc. but I wouldn’t be interested in that, so much.

Happy New Year, y’all. Enjoy it for us, would you? We’ll be home with a bottle of champagne and two kids who refuse to sleep.



From Steve: I have no idea why my wife is suddenly interested in the nekkid dancers, but I guess it’s because we had drinks with Little Miss Honey Butt and Slim last night, and they, being so much younger and hipper than us, made it sound so fun. But still, for my money, there’s nothing like the New Year’s Eve Portland-Seattle tilt, followed by a few turns around the ice — one of Portland’s longest standing family NYE traditions — then home by 10 and in bed by 12:01. Am I old or what?

1 Comment so far

  1. Wacky Mommy (unregistered) on December 31st, 2007 @ 6:53 pm

    Attempted to go to Pause for dinner. Pause not even open today or tomorrow. Pause is paused. Went to Sal’s. Yumskamie. Had salmon and mashed potatoes, ice cream sundae for dessert.

    Home now.

    Will bang pots and pans at midnight.

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