The Strippers are Taking Over

Casa DiabloTalk about poor urban planning. We were driving on St. Helens on the way from St. John’s to Trader Joe’s (I know, I screwed the pooch, I got a little turned around, ‘kay?) and I saw this business and its signage. Let me say I was disheartened, nay, shocked at the change.

You see, this fine establishment used to be a vegan pirate restaurant. To my mind, a vegan pirate restaurant in the middle of the industrial area, to which you’d have to drive a car, and have to be vegan and love all things pirate to want to frequent is a no-brainer. To think that something like this went out of business made me bang my head against the dashboard in anguish and frustration. I can’t believe I live in such a cruel, complicated and ultimately mysterious world.

And that it was replaced by strippers? Strippers! In Portland!

Well, good luck to you Casa Diablo. I won’t hold my breath, however. If a vegan pirate restaurant can’t stand the heat, well then I guess this fire is too hot, even for you Diablo.

By the way, here’s the Casa Diablo myspace page. I love how all the friends look like strippers, except one woman holding her toddler. Not saying women with toddlers can’t work an anti-gravity pole with the best of them — you should totally see me in a pair of Lucite pumps with Warrant’s “She’s My Cherry Pie” on the stereo. I also love that the strippers are asking for hours in the comments section.

If you go to Casa Diablo, don’t forget to bring cash! The sign says so.

28 Comments so far

  1. sluttykins (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 9:38 am

    You know this is the new VEGAN strip club, right?

  2. dieselboi (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 9:41 am

    which Trader Joe’s were you going to? I’m confused.

  3. divebarwife (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 9:45 am

    Oh it’s still crappy vegan food, just now with strippers who don’t wear leather or fur…and apparently you can also get a lecture from the owner if you do. Fun times!

  4. Steve (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 9:48 am

    Dear God,


    Also, that used to be a Yankee Pot Roast. Just sayin’.

  5. Nancy (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 9:50 am

    Heh. That wasn’t Steve, posting about Yankee Pot Roast, it was me. Forgot he was signed in.

  6. jim (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:03 am

    It’s same owner as the Pirate Tavern too so I wouldn’t get too bent out of shape about it.

  7. melissa lion (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:24 am

    Thanks Jim. I was reading the comments and thinking, are they kidding? I’m super gullible. Wait, gullible is that one l or two? I don’t know, I can’t find it in my dictionary.

    And I was going to Trader Joe’s in NW

  8. McAngryPants (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:40 am

    We gotta keep our quota up! You do know that Portland has more strip clubs per capita than any city in America…right?

  9. Daaaaave (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:48 am

    The anti-Acropolis.

    Bet their girls don’t even have fresh C-section and/or facial scars, either. What’s the point?

  10. Michael M. (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:49 am

    The one time I went to the restaurant, when it was the pirate-themed place, I rode my bike. So it’s not accurate to say "you have to drive." I had a good meal, and a fun time.

    But then, it’s never accurate to say "you have to drive." What a shame more car-addicted Portlanders don’t realize that, present company not excepted.

    You gave up the TV, Melissa, now give up the automobile. Save our city, save the planet.

  11. melissa lion (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:50 am

    MC: I might not know what the best Mexican food is around here, but I totally know about Portland’s stripper to mere mortal ratio. It’s why I moved here. If the writing thing doesn’t take off well, then…Mommy will be home a little late.

  12. Pete Best (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:53 am

    If everyone wakes up one day and finally realizes what a piece of crap the Juno script was, maybe Diablo Cody will go back to her day job and end up stripping at Casa Diablo.

  13. melissa lion (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:58 am

    Shit, Michael, what a great point you’re making and you’re doing it so eloquently. Your blaming the world’s problems on my driving my family to trader joe’s so we could shop for our week’s meals instead of eating out totally makes me want to chuck my car. Oh and the fact that for the past week, I’ve been riding my Bianchi eight miles a day (total mileage round trip) to Peninsula Park with my two-year old on the back so he could play and I could be out of my car and get some exercise. But I guess my baby steps don’t mean crap when I have people like you to jump to conclusions and then berate me on the internet because I haven’t sanctimoniously published my whole transportation history for the world to see. My apologies, world. Sorry we’re all going to die in a blaze of oil-burning glory.

  14. McAngryPants (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 12:07 pm

    ML…LOL! BTW, you forgot to tell MM to suck it.

  15. tenstringesquire (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 12:07 pm


    Thank you for writing one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read – anywhere. You deserve some kind of award for that.

  16. dieselboi (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 12:11 pm

    So ML, which are the best strip clubs in Portland? Your readers want to know.

  17. melissa lion (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 1:09 pm

    Well, the best strip clubs are the ones in my fantasy life because they all star ME!

    No, I’ve only been to Mary’s and it was a Tuesday at 2pm, so I have no idea what are the best ones. I’m open to suggestions though. But I do think it’s really cool that there’s a vegan strip club. If I had known that was the situation, I would have posted on that instead, because wow, how Portland!

  18. McAngryPants (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 2:46 pm

    ugh…strip bars. I like the whole "naked girls" thing. But it’s a bit like window shopping without any money. A lot of, "oooooh! that would look good on me!!" Bah! And forget about the "nice" places! If you want your money’s worth, go to a shitty strip bar!! Better music…and dancers that work for their tips.

    In full disclosure…I think I went to ONE strip bar all last year so perhaps I’m not the best informed. BUT BY GOD I HAVE AN OPINION!!! :)

  19. Dodge Ram (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 2:49 pm

    The only thing I can say about strip clubs is where else can you find a hamburger so big that it has to be served on a serving tray for $6.00 or a nice but small steak dinner for $8.00. Yes by the way I EAT MEAT. That vegan thing is ok if you have a cute fluffy tail and long fuzzy ears, I’m not a rabbit.

  20. Nolando (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 3:34 pm

    Depends on your definition of "best" strip clubs. If you like glitzy/tacky, I’d recommend Exotica; down-home-divey, Magic Gardens or Hawthorne Strip; suicide girls-type, Union Jacks or (I think) Devil’s Point; downright scary, Rooster’s. It’s been a good long while since I’ve been in the know on this stuff, tho’…

  21. Michael M. (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 5:59 pm

    Wow, I thought the TV comment was a clear enough indication that I was teasing you, but I guess not. Sorry, I didn’t mean for you to take what I said quite so seriously!

    The only actual point I wanted to make was that, in fact, you don’t have to drive there. And I only wanted to make *that* point because you, for some reason, made a point of asserting that "you have to drive" to it. It wasn’t an implicit criticism of your driving habits (I take it you weren’t the person who drove the car into the MAX tunnel yesterday?).

    But since you brought it up, in your ongoing struggle for supremacy between NYC and Portland, I’ll say this: in all the years I lived in NYC, I probably knew about half-a-dozen people at any given time who had a car. In Portland, I think I know *maybe* half-a-dozen people who don’t have a car. And none of those in NYC would do something so unnecessary as drive their cars to the supermarket; in Portland, it seems most people do, as I can attest to every time I breathe in the stench at my local Trader Joe’s.

    So, score a big 10 points for NYC. That gives the Big Apple a 5 second head start in the Eliminator!

  22. Dodge Ram (unregistered) on February 20th, 2008 @ 10:17 pm

    Uh stupid question "what’s the deal with Trader Joe’s?" the only one that I know of/seen is over here on SE 39 near SE Holgate. Why not just go to your closest store I’ve got a fredys like 10 blocks away that I do most if not all my shoping there.

  23. Ritchie (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 2:23 am

    Hey Dodge Ram, are you a tiger? Cause tigers eat meat.

  24. vj (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 6:45 am

    I cannot express to you how badly the food at the Pirate Tavern sucked. Literally, it was the worst vegan meal I’ve ever eaten. It was not a place that gave veganism a bad name, no, it was just an example of really truly awful cooking. Just saying.

  25. vj (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 6:49 am

    Oh, and the old Pirates Tavern web site was all these airbrushed, scantily dressed, giant breasted tweaky-nipply computer-game women. If the fact that they were on your screen wasn’t enough, they were animated so every 45 seconds or so, a nipple would sparkle. Really.

  26. Dodge Ram (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 5:20 pm

    Well Ritchie I would call myself more of a bear. *LOL*

  27. melissa lion (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 7:16 pm

    Michael, I’m sorry that I misread your joke. That’s the trouble with the internet. I had no idea that you could bike there. I live in St. John’s and I can’t imagine biking there for vegan pirate food, or vegan strippers. Nothing against vegan strippers, of course. But I guess anything is bikeable around these parts. As to New York, that was a joke. I really don’t think Portland and New York are competing. Two different places, completely. I think it’s funny that people do think there’s a rivalry. I mean, maybe there is? I don’t know.

    I think people hating cities is pretty funny in general. Like everyone’s hatred of LA is so damn funny to me. I love LA, though I have no interest in living there. I love the people there and the whole LA thing. Cracks me up! And some of the best people I know are Los Angelenos. So sue me, I like LA.

    Anyway, two jokes misread. Clean slate.

    Dodge, I go to Trader Joe’s because it’s cheaper than Freddy’s and the quality is much better. Though I hate buying produce at TJ’s because there’s too much packaging.

  28. Dodge Ram (unregistered) on February 21st, 2008 @ 11:22 pm

    Melissa, I have walked thrue the one over on SE 39th & Holgate and honestly I could not see what the big deal was with Trader Joe’s other than the fact that they had some unique items.

    Oh my gripe with LA. The road manager with the band I was with messed up his elbow real bad and I had a real hard time of finding a hospital you know how hard it is trying to talk with some one whrue three inches of plexi-glass even when they can speek english and the trafic is just terrible even at four in the morning.

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